oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
