She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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