If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
