I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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