WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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