Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
