I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
