tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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