I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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