this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
