maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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