Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
