idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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