I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
