he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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