She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
