Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
