That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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