he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
