What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
