It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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