Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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