Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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