YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Holy shit dude........stairs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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