I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
