so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
