I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
