I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
