There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
