Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
