cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
did you just send me my own nude
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
