Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
