I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
