my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize