please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
