My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
