I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
