Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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