I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
