You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
