It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize