I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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