Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
