p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
