"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
