Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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