I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
