I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
