Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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