I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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