did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
