she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
