he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
