I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i dont even know how to be here
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
