I am midnight drunk by noon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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