thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
