Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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