Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
