so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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