I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
